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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 2, 2020 10:35:30 GMT -7
Wednesday January 1st 2020
Mood: Exhausted. 1/366 Well I faired better than some of the agents that I know at The Triskellion, some of them had decided to take the night off and just party last night but there is always that worry that you're going to be called into work. I didn't watch the ball drop but I definitely knew when it had turned midnight mostly because of the fireworks that were going off, it's crazy to think that it's another decade, another year. Not only that I got a call from Nolan but couldn't answer it because I was busy doing something else. The hangovers were a little amusing especially watching agents blink their way around work like they would rather be somewhere other than staring at this giant building. Steve never came home last night so that meant that he had stayed at Starks but of course having SHIELD tech means that I can tell when he gets home anyway so that meant that I could focus on something other than the superhero that lives next door but of course I was still called into Fury's office to give him my weekly report not that there were anything really to report this time. This is my own journal so that means I can write what I want in it and while Nolan was ringing i was sorting out a problem; this girl had been mugged and of course with my nightly crusades out into the parts of DC that no one wants to sort out, I decided it was probably best for BC to start sorting it out. I haven't called myself BC but it was on the walls and for the first time since leaving The Hamptons it feels like I have this purpose and I'm more than happy to keep going. Of course SHIELD can never find out about this especially when they probably wouldn't approve and ask me to stand down but it's better than sitting behind a desk or bringing in people that probably don't deserve to be dragged out of their homes. Going undercover is a little boring, Steve sometimes comes to the apartment but most of the time he's away from it and I would rather be at The Triskellion than sitting here waiting for someone who might not come home. Though pretending to be a Nurse can be fun sometimes especially when we do stop and chat but I always worry that he can see right through all of it and if he finds out it was me that went after T then my time undercover will be over. I had a run in with Grant Ward, of course he wasn't drunk so that meant he was giving it all the mouth, he is a complete dick and the less i have to see of him the better. He's what they call a "Specialist" but he's not exactly that special. Of course i had to have a run in with him on the first day of the year, nothing like setting the tone for the rest of the year. I got a text from Charlotte and she wants me to go up to see her sometime this month and she doesn't know about SHIELD so I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to get out of that, I'll have to ask Fury if I can have a little bit of time off but of course no doubt he will look at me with that disapproving eye and tell me that undercover work comes first. It's not surprising that no one in this job has a family. I texted back and told her that I would definitely try but who really knows. I'm pretty sure that I have eaten my weight in food this Christmas but hey if we can't enjoy ourselves at Christmas then when can we do it? Anyway I'm going to be going out tonight so I will write in here again tomorrow. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 3, 2020 14:11:13 GMT -7
Thursday January 2nd 2020
Mood: Not sure. 2/366 Well last night I didn't finish up what I had been doing because of the fact I got a call back to HQ. How fun is that? I shouldn't complain because I actually like doing my job but last night I wasn't exactly home. To be honest I don't really have much to write about today but i'll make sure that i get something in. So i got a call back to HQ and it was to do with the fact that i was being sent out on a mission, SHIELD doesn't keep normal hours but i guess neither do the things that it hunts. Fury knew that Steve wasn't coming back as he was on his own mission so i had time away from the undercover work. To be honest undercover work can be boring but it also can be a bit lonely especially when you have to cut all ties with the people that you love to do said undercover work. Charlotte doesn't know i even work for SHIELD so she doesn't know what i do, i just told her that after what happened at home i was going to be taking some me time for a while, go travelling. Just to try and get over everything and that's why i can't always pick up my phone but honestly i hate lying to her about all of this. Charlotte will probably say that i've just swapped what i did at The Hamptons for something official and i don't think that i can actually have my sister be angry at me especially when she is the only blood family i have left. Then there is Nolan who keeps telling me to keep going and that Charlotte will be okay but of course he would say that especially when he knows the truth. He is like the brother i never had and i'm honestly glad that i told him because if i had to actually carry this alone then it would definitely make me feel a little worse than i already do. I just need sleep so i'm going to be getting a little bit and then go back out as BC. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 4, 2020 15:14:23 GMT -7
Friday January 3rd 2020
Mood: Exhausted 3/366 To be honest much of this day went by in a blur and i am so tired that i don't think that i can write too much here. I was called in to HQ for a meeting and honestly they just talked forever to the point that i was falling asleep and i didn't really listen, it's bad of me i know but i guess when you're out most of the night then it's a little exhausting when you have to go to work. So really i'm not going to be putting much in here because of the fact that i don't really remember much of today other than the meeting and having these terrible sandwiches while waiting for the second part of the meeting after lunch. Unfortunately i haven't been able to go on my nightly crusade because of the fact that i am a walking exhausted person so i'm going to finish here tonight and just get a little bit of sleep if i'm allowed. I ended up coming home to my undercover apartment because of the fact that it's closer to work than even i realised when i am awake. Anyway i will write more tomorrow so i will bid myself goodnight and then go to bed. Unless i actually get a phone call in the next few minutes. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 7, 2020 13:17:32 GMT -7
Saturday January 4th 2020
Mood: Tired. 4/366 I probably should be writing more especially when i had started this just to keep my thoughts from coming out of my mouth but after like 4 days it's just feels a little bit tiring. I wish that we had Saturdays off because it would be better than looking out of windows and out over a city that doesn't know we exist but hey at least we are keeping them safe from the things that go bump in the night or that want to eat them. But hey if they could do a better job then i would happily hand over the reigns to them. So last night I did thankfully manage to get some sleep but i'm always worried about what is going to happen when i do especially because of how SHIELD is notorious in ringing when you're in bed. Many times I have actually got a call in the middle of the night because they don't have anyone else on speed dial. I feel like i'm complaining but really i do like working for SHIELD, it gave me a purpose after what happened. I was thinking about Jack today and how he's getting on with Little Carl but the last time we spoke he told me not to call him again so i haven't but i do want to know just how my Godson is doing. I know that he was in shock when he found out that i was the real Amanda Clarke and just who the other one was but i just want to know that both of them are okay, maybe i could ask Nolan if he's heard from Jack or anything because that's the easiest way to do it, good one Em. Anyway i spent most of the day at HQ helping out in the hangar for some team or other but i did run in to Trip which was awesome because i haven't seen him in a while. I got things to do so i will write in here again tomorrow. Thankfully it's my day off so i will have more time writing in here... I hope! -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 7, 2020 17:20:33 GMT -7
Sunday January 5th 2020
Mood: Refreshed. 5/366 Well today being Sunday it meant that i actually had the day off which was surprising because of the fact that no one seems to have a day off but today nothing came in so it meant that i could have some time to myself. Steve didn't come home again and a part of me was glad but i'm not going to enjoy Thursday meetings with Fury if I don't really have anything to report. I cleaned up my apartment and listened to some music while doing it, it's weird to think that this isn't my real home but i keep it as clean as i can just in case anyone comes in. Of course I already have my undercover details done because of how long i pretended to be Emily while in The Hamptons. It would be so quiet but i can hear the baby downstairs crying sometimes so it's no wonder that Steve doesn't come back, even though his apartment is actually really nice. it feels weird saying that but of course not as much as Agent Coulson watching him defrost, he even told him as much which must have been a little bit awkward. I was thinking about being sent to The Hub for a while but Victoria Hand really scares me so i think staying here would be better. I did pop out to my own apartment and watered the plants and then grabbed my mail, which was just junk and a very normal thing to be doing of course i would write it in here! Sometimes the day goes by so quickly that i have trouble remembering just what i did the day before so i'm glad to be putting it down here and it also means i can put things in here that i can't tell anyone especially when i don't really see Nolan that much and he probably wouldn't understand just what i was on about anyway. Last night it was busy when i was out because of the fact that it was a Saturday night so it meant there were more people going to and from clubs which isn't that unusual. I got another message from Charlotte today and i even texted her back, she's worrying but apparently has a new boyfriend that she wants me to meet; his name is Mark and he's a Lawyer which is really good. Charlotte has definitely grown up in the time she's left home and she's become her own woman and i am so proud of her and i know that she worries about me but i can handle myself a lot better than i used to be able to. I guess that might be down to the fact that i trained in Japan before i ever made it back to the US. I had an amazing teacher and for that i'm glad. I had dinner out in a small resturant which is really cute and i visit it more than i probably should but that's mostly to get something quickly especially when i've worked late at HQ and can't be bothered to cook myself. It's ran by this woman who is amazingly funny and likes to tell me about her children and Grandchildren. She often asks if i'm married yet and it's only been twenty-four hours since i last saw her. Anyway i have somewhere i need to be. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 11, 2020 9:14:58 GMT -7
Monday January 6th 2020
Mood: Exhausted 6/366 Well today has been long and i'm exhausted to the point that i want just want to get in to bed but of course i've decided to write it down before i can even get some sleep. I was at HQ today and we were trying to bring someone in and it just got a bit too much, SHIELD likes bringing people into HQ so they can put their own stamp on them. It's pretty much the same that happened when i went after Teresa. I probably shouldn't be writing this down but i don't know who else to really turn to when it comes to talking about these things, my neighbour doesn't even know that i would for SHIELD so there is that. It feels good to just get it all out, y'know? Well i doubt anyone will read this so it'll be me just looking back over this in years to come. To be honest being a SHIELD agent and BC is a little hard work but at the same time i just want to help those that need it, no one else will do it so it's just down to people who will take all of that in to their own hands. Sometimes i feel like a hypocrite especially when by day i work at SHIELD bringing in those that they deem dangerous and of course spying on the most famous Captain in the whole world to them delivering justice to those that deserve it, how did i let it get like this? How did i let myself get drawn into all of this? If i tell Fury about any of this then he will probably put me in Siberia for even being BC especially when she has been known to be a pain in SHIELD's ass but i want to be doing something to help. I dunno maybe it's the exhaustion that is getting to me lately, maybe i do need that break like i've told Charlotte that i've been getting. Maybe i need to take a step back from SHIELD for a little while because i came to them straight from The Hamptons so maybe i didn't give myself enough time to adjust to what i was now doing. Who knows, anyway i need to get some sleep because thinking too much will probably stop me from getting the rest. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 13, 2020 14:57:47 GMT -7
Tuesday January 7th 2020
Mood: Better 7/366 Is it me or does it feel like January is going really slowly? I mean it's seven days into the year and month but it's only the first proper week into the month which feels like it's going to be the longest damn month ever. No wonder January is known as the longest month of the year because of the fact that it feels like it has over 400 days or close to that anyway. Well i definitely feel better and with everything that i was feeling last night it's definitely a good thing that i feel better. Exhaustion can have your mind wandering to places that you truly don't want to go to and i didn't want my mind to wander last night. I was at HQ today but honestly trying to stay away from people who might know Steve can be a pain in the ass, maybe i should ask Fury if i can take up a job at the hospital just so i have that cover too. I grabbed a burger and fries on the way home and it felt like i haven't had that in a while, probably haven't knowing me. Sometimes i go stir crazy when i'm sat at the apartment on my own so i end up going home for a while and make it look like i'm working the night shift, either that or i go and help out the pilots at the hangar, i have actually met a few pilots but there is definitely one, he flies an X-Wing that is a bit of a flirt. He's cute. Doing two jobs at once can be a little bit overwhelming but i've managed it before when i was home so it shouldn't be too bad. Keeping an eye on Steve coming home and out in the streets. BC has a lot to catch up on... I have to go, my cell is ringing so it looks like i'm being called back in to HQ, damn just when i thought i could go fly the apartment. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:41:55 GMT -7
Wednesday January 8th 2020 Mood: exhausted 8/366 So i ended up being called back into HQ and sent on a mission which wasn't all that easy but sitting on a quinjet while the pilot up front is flying makes me feel the exhaustion that has settled into my bones. I like days like this because it means that i'm not sitting at an apartment waiting for someone who might not even come back, no being out on a mission is so much better but also it pulls at the exhaustion, the rest of the team are fast asleep so it means that other than the pilot up the front i am the only person awake. It was a vampire attack which is really weird thing to be said but i guess if there had to be anything in this world then it really would be vampires. Sometimes its hard to get these things out of my head so it's a good thing that i can sometimes shut the world out when i get back to my own apartment. I probably shouldn't bring things like this with me on a mission but there is nothing else to do when you're sat in a quinjet, the seats aren't that comfortable so it means that you're sitting in a seat that hurts your ass for hours before you get back to HQ. I'll write more when i get home because the pen is making a noise. Edit: So i'm back home now and sitting up in bed after taking a long shower and just shutting the door from the rest of the world. Tomorrow i have to give Fury his weekly report but there isn't really anything to give because of the fact that Steve hasn't come home. I'm tired and i need sleep so i will bid you a goodnight and hopefully tomorrow won't be so bad. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:42:48 GMT -7
Thursday January 9th 2020
Mood: Good 9/366 So I gave Fury my weekly report and told him truthfully that i think waiting for Cap to come home really is the most boring thing to do because of the fact that he spends most of his time at Stark Tower, that ugly building in New York but of course i left that bit to myself as i didn't think he needed to do that. I came across new agents today and one is English and the other Scottish and they are both excited about working for SHIELD, i was going to tell them that the excitement wore off as they worked here longer but i really didn't because of the fact that they might actually enjoy working here. Fitz, the male one, gave us new toys to try out and honestly that's when i get excited because no one can beat working on new toys. Fury just has to sign off on them to go into use and then they should be good. The new guns are amazing, instead of actually killing someone it knocks them out for a while. Fitz called it a night-night gun but Simmons said about calling it an ICER so who knows which one will win but i like ICER better than night-night gun. We even tried out new glasses that can see through things and it makes me feel like Supergirl. Unfortunately it also sees through clothes so that got a little bit awkward but i spent most of the day trying all of these bad boys out and i cant wait to give my report on all of them. I know it sounds greedy but i hope that Fury has all of them in circulation. I managed to hide out when Steve came through HQ he's heading out somewhere and thankfully he didn't see me because that would be seriously awkward and i don't think that the show down would be that quiet. Fury is trying to keep me as quiet as he can but there is always people i have to try and dodge when it comes to keeping under cover. I go by a different name when i'm undercover anyway so if my real name is mentioned to Steve then he wouldn't known who i am to him i would just be another agent that works for SHIELD. Today i'm definitely feeling better but for now i have things i need to do so write tomorrow -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:43:29 GMT -7
Friday January 10th 2020 Mood: pained 10/366 The second weekend of the month/year is coming up and it was definitely busy tonight, i didn't go to HQ today because of the fact that i have been hurt by doing my nightly walks out. This guy thought he would be clever and try to kick me back and he caught my ribs so yeah not in a good position right now so it means that i'm going to have to rest up and not do anything but explaining that to my boss isn't going to be good so it's a good thing that i don't have to always go to HQ because it hurts doing anything, i've bruised them and can see the bruises when i get changed. Unfortunately this isn't the first time i got bruised ribs, when i was in Japan and training i wasn't exactly very fit so i couldn't block the hits that well and in the end i got caught in the ribs a couple of times so yeah it really hurts. Not sure if i'm going to be doing a lot of sleep for a while because every time i breathe, cough, sneeze, hell just doing anything makes it hurt. I don't think i will be going on missions for a little while. We will have to see but for now i'm going to stop writing to see if i can get any sleep but i will probably be just milling about for a while and watching the cameras that i have put up. Wish me luck! -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:44:22 GMT -7
Saturday January 11th 2020
Mood: still pained 11/366 It's a good thing i don't have a lot of stuff to do when it comes to the weekend because of the fact that i can't really move anyway, i don't usually complain when it comes to pain but fuck me i am really hurting. I think that i'm going to have to go to the hospital to see if my ribs really are bruised and try to stay away from the subject of just how i actually got them, i can't exactly tell them that i like to walk the streets at night dressed in black and look for trouble. That would rise too many eyebrows and plus i can't tell them that i work for SHIELD either. Anyway Nolan rang today he wants me to go to a party next week at his place which is going to have to be a no especially if i'm going to be in pain like i am now but i said that that i would try to get there, he doesn't know what i do on the side. He would want to try and help and i work better alone when it comes to this sort of thing. He then went on to say that Charlotte would be there with her new boyfriend as if that was going to pull me in but i said that i really would try but i've already made up my mind. I know that it sounds horrible but i don't belong there anymore and plus the eyes looking at me is bad enough especially when they know just what happened to Victoria, i feel so crap when i've gone back home but i do like sitting on the balcony of the beach house watching the sun come up. I just need to have some sleep, i can maybe fall asleep sitting up for a little while. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:45:08 GMT -7
Sunday January 12th 2020
Mood: Exhausted 12/366 Ah, Sundays are unfortunately crap and i am more than happy to forgo a Sunday because of how shit they really are. So i was reading the newspaper, yep i do that, and they are asking where BC has gone because no one has seen her for a while. She has been injured that's where she's been, they are trying to figure out who i am which is hilarious because of the fact that i like to wear a wig when i go out so i'm not actually brunette. It's also funny that they are trying to figure out just who the Devil of Hells Kitchen is too, i don't know who they are but it's clear that the police aren't doing shit if people have decided to take matters into their own hands. Steve popped back to the apartment for a little bit and then left again but that might be to get some new stuff for Stark Tower, i want to know what keeps him there apart from the amount of tech that Stark has. It can't be her cheeriness because it seems like she doesn't really have any. Anyway enough about Stark because i don't really like her if i'm being honest. I grabbed myself some food today and cooked it at the apartment and it was lovely, even though eating it really hurt my ribs. I really wish they would hurry up and get better but it's the ribs so it can take a while, this isn't going to help when i have to go out on a mission or to even walk in to HQ. Sitting down in Fury's office on Thursday is going to be hell, i could see if i can get into the medical ward and get them to look at the ribs, say that i was on a mission when it happened. Hmm, i might try that tomorrow rather than wait to see Fury on Thursday and asking him then but if it works then it could speed up the healing a hell of a lot quicker because of the amount of stuff they have at their hands. Anyway i am going to hit the hay and try to get some sleep. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:45:58 GMT -7
Monday January 13th 2020
Mood: Not sure 13/366 So i went to HQ to ask them about my ribs and they gave me this sort of stuff to put on it and apparently it should make the bruises go but that really doesn't do much for my ribs so we will have to see. We have a weather warning tonight for snow so that's going to be fun to drive in! That was me being sarcastic because of the fact that snow is not anywhere near fun to drive in. We are almost two weeks in to the year and it's aready been drama filled from just being BC. SHIELD isn't that quite drama filled just yet because of how much it's gone quiet here. I might ask Fury if i can go back to HQ for a little bit but hide away in the dark parts so that Steve won't see me, i want to keep that whole undercover part going but it's hard when he doesn't come home. It makes the job redundant for that very reason. I can do filing, that doesn't really require that much movement over than putting things in cabinets, hell do they even still do that especially with everything now online or backed up somewhere on a drive? Who knows but it beats sitting here waiting for the supermodel next door to return home, i might ask him when i see him again at our weekly meeting of tea and biscuits! (again more sarcasm) I don't really know how i feel today if i'm being honest other than i've been watching a lot of stuff on the tv which is never fun but with sore ribs there's not much i can really do! I don't know what is worse, sore ribs or being shot by your husband on your wedding day. -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:46:45 GMT -7
Tuesday January 14th 2020
Mood: Tired 14/366 Well when i got up that snow that we had been promised had settled and it looks pretty. In fact there were some kids making a snowman outside when i was looking out the window with my coffee. I know i haven't mentioned this before for i like to go for a run when i've had a bad night because it wakes me up but i can't run for a while and it's getting a little bit frustrating, hell i'm frustrated a lot lately. Mostly because this job isn't really going anywhere and because of the fact that i was stupid enough to let a little shit get the jump on my and hurt my ribs. I got a call from Fitz today he wanted me to try out new tech for him, apparently i've become his unofficial tester of the new tech, i think it's because of the fact that i can put a good word in with Fury when i see him on a Thursday. I have no idea how anyone knows that but he knows it. Well it's officially two weeks into the year and i have literally not done much other than go on a mission, spying on my neighbour and get beat up while trying to beat someone else up. I am still being hassled by Nolan to go to this party on the weekend, i'm still not sure whether i will be able to go especially with the ribs. Thankfully it's not got to Fury yet that i spent some time on the medical ward, hell they have the best drugs there. After what happened at The Hamptons i was taken to a SHIELD facility and they managed to make my wounds go away in a few days, it was a miracle if i ever believed in one. Fury had spoken to me before i was taken and then once i accepted the job then i was allowed those magical drugs that they have. It was amazing actually and then after everything was healed i was then in Fury's office and we had a little chat and asked questions about what i wanted to be called because i had been using Emily's name for a while by that point. I never did ask Nolan about Jack and Carl. I will have to ask him one day but at the moment the snow is falling once more and i don't think i'm going to be able to go out again tonight because of the ribs. Goodnight -E-
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Post by Snowglobe18 on Jan 21, 2020 7:48:17 GMT -7
Wednesday January 15th 2020
Mood: Bored 15/366 Ah, hump day. It's literally down hill from here, towards the weekend that is. While i have to heal the ribs i managed to watch a few episodes* of The Crown. Damn that woman has been through so much and has given her life for her country. She's definitely incredible because not sure how many people would want to reign over a country for that long. *When i said a few i mean like the whole two seasons. I will be going on to the third one at some point. There is a noise in Steve's apartment but i know that there's no one there. I will have to go and check. So i knocked on the door of Steve's apartment but no one answered which was really weird because i am sure that there was a noise in there, who knows maybe i am just hearing things from another apartment and thinking it's Steve's so then i don't have to write up another report about how Captin America never came home again. The snow looks pretty and i'm hoping that it won't be around when i have to drive to HQ tomorrow, the last thing i need is for my car to screw up because it's icy out but who knows. I think i'm going to have to stop BC for a while even though it's what i enjoy doing, who knows maybe i will be able to go back to it but right now my ribs are too painful to even consider hitting anyone, driving is hell as it is, moving is painful and i was hoping that the bruises would be gone by now; they are slowly going but that's not fast enough. Anyway i am tired or bored, not really sure which. So i'm going to head to bed or at least get as much sleep as i can before my meeting tomorrow! -E-
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