Post by Ray on May 22, 2016 21:39:44 GMT -7
3 январь 2003
Моя единственная цель состоит в том, чтобы возродить империю.
(My only goal is to revive the empire.)
Какова ваша цель?
(What is your goal?)
11 июль 2005
I saw your face today – in a crowd. By luck or coincidence, we both took a rest by the waters in Oradea on the same day. I knew it was you, even after so many years. Your hair had grown long, catching at the corners of your dark, dark eyes, and you hadn't shaven in days. I almost called to you. I almost ran in the opposite direction. But you did not see me. You watched the people pass on the other side of the river, your fists in your pockets, and I was suddenly afraid. Not of you. But what you were going to do. You were there for the same reason that I was leaving.
He wore a three-piece suit with a Kevlar vest underneath. He did not carry a weapon. Only a vial of blue liquid and a needle and a leviathan tattooed on his neck. I'd already broken one rib and cracked his eye socket in my escape.
You shot him first in the knees, and then the head.
I was on the bus to Hungary by the third blast.
12 июль 2005
You are not my father. I have no father.
У меня есть только я.
(I have only myself.)
21 февраль 2006
I till the earth until my hands are blistered and bleeding, and then work some more. Some days I stay out in the fields from daybreak until the sun has long set behind the distant trees, raking deep into the rich dirt. The farmer scolds me for this. His wife calls me an ochse (ox). Each night the hoe comes back stained red and bloody. Each night they take my palms and see the ashen bruises and open wounds. Each morning all they find is smooth, unmarked skin.
I tell them I don't mind. The work keeps me focused. They have no children, no cattle to pull the weight, only their wheat. And I have nothing but my hands and my hands can do plenty.
They feed me well, give me extra euros for treats, teach me German.
I am beginning to want to stay.
5 Март 2006
There's a lake where wildflowers grow blue. A boy wove petals into my hair and told me he loved me. I could smell the lie as clearly as I smelled the stolen wine on his breath. He slapped me when I told him no. I broke his wrist.
It was not out of pain or despair. Only instinct.
Even still their voices are hard to forget.
30 Декабрь 2006
С Днем Рождения Анастасия. Кто бы ты ни был.
(Happy Birthday Anastasia. Whoever you are.)
29 май 2007
The farm is gone.
21 Декабрь 2007
Paris is дерьмо (shit). I found your name carved in a stone. Were you here before or after they split you in two?
17 апрель 2008
I watched them carry corpses out of the Bolshoi Theatre from a pub in East Berlin. They were bloodied. Mangled. Burned. Unknown. Russia called the act of arson terrorism. America said nothing. I drank three beers before I bought my tickets to Moscow with spare change. I knew. I knew, I knew, I knew the moment I stepped off the train that I should not have gone there. But I did not turn back. Had I never left Siberia, I would have ended up there anyway.
The theater was closed. But not to me.
Вы знали? Это был ты?
(Did you know? Was it you?)
Я не должен был пойти.
(I was not supposed to go.)
The news will never find him.
I know this.
Their knives cut deep. Mine cut deeper.
8 июнь 2009
She chased me across Prague. Her and the archer. If I had not been running my whole life, they would have caught me. A part of me does not know why I did not let them. Perhaps I deserve to be caught. Perhaps I should be caught. Perhaps I cannot bear the thought of where they would take me. I don't want to die and yet... I ride this train until its last stop wishing I had never been born at all.
30 Декабрь 2009
что я что я что я что я что я что я
(what am i what am i what am i what am i what am i what am i)
13 сентябрь 2010
I stole an orange in Koszalin. It was overripe. Almost rotten. The police didn't care if it was bad fruit or not, they threatened to chop off my hand like we still live in the Темные времена (dark ages). I spat in one of their faces, they hit me, and I left them both bleeding behind a dumpster. I didn't check if they were alive or not. For all I know, I killed them.
They told me not to show empathy. Empathy leads to distraction which leads to failure. I told myself the same when they burnt down the farm, even as I cried in the ashes. I think I've told myself this too often that I forget what I am capable of. That I forget the cost of letting them control my actions.
You told me once that it's easy to pretend that they're right. But it's not easy to forget the broken faces left behind. I never told you, but I imagined porcelain dolls when you said that. The kind that Мать Красный (Mother Red) gave me when I was still young. She let me have one for a week before she made me smash it open. The doll's face cracked first into black veins, then crumbled like broken glass.
People break the same way, you know.
But the only one who is left hollow is me.
22 сентябрь 2010
Sleeping in an orphanage tonight. Can't sleep. The candle burns too low and the other children move too much. I close my eyes and suddenly I see the blank walls again. I'm scared. More scared than I can recall ever being. I feel as if the windows are their eyes.
They're going to find me here. I know they're going to find me.
23 сентябрь 2010
Ты скучаешь по мне? Вы когда-нибудь задумывались, где я? Был ли я когда-нибудь ваш ребенок?Или это был просто сон?
(Do you miss me? Do you ever wonder where I am? Was I ever your child? Or was it just a dream?)
24 сентябрь 2010
I left before breakfast on the third day. The forest around Warsaw is thick. Perhaps I was overreacting. Perhaps I have been running too long. Maybe I should find you aga
Trucks.
30 Декабрь 2013
Я забыл о вас.
(I forgot about you.)
2-Ja-14
400€ - ne
*980€ - B to NY
constr. = 12€ ph – 4 h pd?
12 d, subtract weekend, food, hotel, laundry... дерьмо (shit)
19-F-14
380€
Блядь (fuck)
24-Au-14
3 m, blk coats
h tat bck r knuckle?
1 g e (if lucky) vs. 1 k
here 2 hr
move
24-Au-14
You dumb bitch.
6-Mar-15
Iron Man? Не смеши меня. (Do not make me laugh.)
31-Jul-15
810€
30-D-15
21. Salut.
900€
1-Ja-16
New York, New York.
10$
14-May-16
Please do not follow me.