Post by Snowglobe18 on Mar 13, 2016 20:52:08 GMT -7
March 14th, 2016
3.45am
3.45am
I can feel it, crawling up my back like it's trying to push through me but it's not able too. Trying to push the hands through to my front and kill me right there and then but it still wants the memories that I hold inside of me. The memories that I hold dear and he wants so that he can get hold of Caesar.
I woke in the middle of the night and I hear the voice and see the red eyes over and over again. I can also feel the pressure on my head, the hands that had gripped it tightly so that it could see just how much I had stored up of Caesar.
And I swear I hear a laugh... did he laugh? Was there a laugh involved? Why the hell can't I remember?
I was told that when we go through a stressful thing and we don't remember much of what happened, it's probably because we don't want to remember it. Like a part of the brain shuts it out because it was too damaging, because it was too... painful.
Then why do I still remember everything else?
I still remember the look on the Dr's face when the psychic had let him go, like it had released him from the trauma.
I still remember running out of that room like the Devil himself was after me... and it felt like it with the psychic.
Caesar has gone, he's gone looking for the other guy and it's both worrying and scary especially when this guy has been after him since England.
England.. Why the hell had I asked Caesar to be the pilot on that trip, I could've very well waited for another pilot to come in especially when we had to wait for Fitzsimmons anyway. But to be honest he had saved our asses, if it had been anyone else then I'm sure we would've have come back especially when those other mercenaries had turned up.
I'm piling guilt on myself and it's not going to help but if anything happens to him it... it doesn't bear thinking about. I can't think about it especially if I want to get my mind back on track.
I'm scared, there is no denying it. Scared because I don't know how to get my head back to normal, scared because Caesar is out there searching for this guy... scared because I might lose him. But also scared that we're going to be called out on a mission and I'm not going to be able to function properly. I have just got over the nerves of being shot and in that medical wing for a week, the last thing I want is to go backwards and put my team in danger when they need me the most.
I'm tired, I'm bone tired and I just want to sleep but these dreams are keeping me awake, terrorising me, pushing me down a dark road. I can just hear the psychic laughing because he's slowly turning me into a nervous wreck. Taking everything good about me and leaving me with the mental abuse.
But at the same time I can hear Aiden's voice. Telling me to get help before something happens that I'll regret. But who do I tell, who do I spill my guts to without seeming like I'm going insane?
And the short answer is.. I don't know. I don't know who to tell and who would believe me.
But I need sleep. I need... Caesar.